At a Loss for Words

Right now it's really hard for me to figure out what to say. This morning I keep tearing up thinking about everything yesterday with Boston. I tried to listen to the news on my way into work but then the tears started flowing and that just got messy. Yesterday, I saw someone post something about their prayers with those in Boston. I thought to myself, Oh Lord, what happened now, having no idea what it was. I quickly googled Boston and news and found out there'd been a bombing at the marathon. I really didn't know what was going on so I waited til I got home to put the news on. I was not prepared for what unfolded.

The first bits of news were unsettling but I hadn't seen any of the pictures yet. I knew I had to go for a run that day so I got ready and went out the door. I was planning on a 4 mile run which is an 'easy' run for me. I barely made 3.5 miles and was in serious pain. My ankles hurt, my shins hurt, I don't even know why. I couldn't even finish running I was hurting so much and I was so upset and didn't understand why. I think maybe my body was starting to react to this news.

Later that evening I went to dinner and came home to the pictures. That's when it really hit me. I didn't even want to look at them it was so unsettling. Some of these people injured were just there to cheer on others, purely being good people. I started thinking about my half marathon coming up and all the people who are running to raise money for a million different charitable causes. I started thinking about what it would be like to be there or if this happened at my half marathon. I kept thinking about all these innocent people and I can't even take it.

These horrible events are always upsetting but this time I am beside myself. I really can't concentrate on much right now, namely work. I never thought this would affect me so much. Maybe I'm numb to all this stuff lately or something but I don't know. My anxiety is through the roof currently so I thought about trying to write some of it out. So far, it's not really helping.

What is helping though, is all the good people. We all know who they are; those running to the hospitals from the marathon to give blood, those running to the finish line immediately to help. We have seen the Mr. Roger's quote. All of this is the good. Another piece of the good is my Team Challenge group. Right now, during these times, I am thinking of everyone in Boston but I am also thinking of my Team Challenge family. I am so thankful for them right now and the sense of friendship and family they have given me in just a couple short months. We are all doing something amazing together that many of us never thought we could do and helping those with Crohn's and Colitis while doing it. I can't wait to see them all this Saturday and if they didn't know how special they all are, I hope they do now.